The other day, I was mindlessly scrolling TikTok when it showed me a podcast of two (probably) Filipino men talking about Filipino parents and how older generations have set expectations for their young children. One of them said, “There are 2 kinds of Filipino students: there are nurses and there are students that drop out of school.” While I typically ignore comments like these, it got me thinking. If I went to nursing school, I’d be the dropout. I really would. I’d drop out of nursing school for several reasons, with the main one being the fact that I’m squeamish. I began to think about all the other Filipino non-nurses and just the ones that decided to break that tradition of joining the medical field.

How did their parents view them after telling them they wouldn’t be going to nursing school? Did the expectation of success change after making that decision?

The stereotype of Filipino nurses started back in 1898 when Americans built schools in the Philippines to teach them Western medicine. Today, it’s seen as one of the most successful career paths for Filipinos because it provides financial stability (other than being famous) and a chance to leave a third-world country. Older, more traditional Filipino parents impress upon their children that being a nurse is the next best thing. If you’re a woman, then it’s the third best thing because being a wife and a mother is more important.

That’s fine, if that’s what some people want. It’s not my place to yuck people’s yum.

I then performed some lightweight Google searching to determine if anything popped up for millennial Filipinos who weren’t nurses, and I found three articles. Of the millions of results that popped up for Filipino nurses, I got a measly three. Now, that could mean lots of things, such as people not caring to share their career goals on the internet or a lack of accessibility to other career paths. However, there’s one possibility that bothers me, and it’s shame. The shame that comes when failing to meet that expectation. I’m well aware of what happens when Asian parents become disappointed in their children. We become ghosts. The ghosts of what could’ve been. The steep hill of success suddenly becomes Mount Doom. Now that you’re not going to be a nurse, what the hell are you supposed to be?

Take Jo Koy, for example. His own mother ridiculed him when he told her he was going to become a comedian, up until he started making it big on screen. That being said, what’s such a bummer about this realization is that not only are there not enough voices to encourage the fact that there’s more out there than becoming a nurse, but the measurement of success becomes so much more difficult because you’re not following tradition.

If you’re in the “dropout” boat, I encourage you to change your frame of thinking. I was never going to be a nurse, and I had known that from the day I started becoming conscious of what a career might look like for me. I reflected on two things: if I had what it took to take on the emotional weight of working in a field where people’s lives depended on me, and is it worth the money. I answered no to both. I don’t have what it takes to take on the pressure of being a nurse and no amount of money was ever going to change my mind. When I told my mom I wasn’t going to go to nursing school, she told me she wasn’t surprised. She was supportive enough where she wanted me to be happy but to also make sure I had a job where I could pay the bills and live the life I wanted. I’m hoping to pass that message on to people starting their career.

I encourage you to see this realization of not following tradition as an opportunity to create your own measurement of success. The possibility of creating your own career path on your own terms is incredibly freeing. If you’re not a dropout but also not a nurse, share your story. There are Gen Z’ers, Millennials, and possibly even Gen X’ers that could really benefit from your story. I encourage you to share your story because not everyone is going to be the next Jo Koy or Vanessa Hudgens (Hint of Filipino if you ask me), and it could really change a younger person’s perspective on their journey into adulthood.