There are several stereotypes that come with being raised in a Filipino household. One of them I saw on TikTok the other day, and that’s the gigantic “Last Supper” hanging by the dining room table next to the gigantic wooden spoon and spork. Jokes aside, I started thinking about other stereotypes that have greatly impacted my life and if they can be translated across other cultures.

One example is how Filipino parents are stricter when it comes to raising their daughters compared to their sons. I had a brother who was allowed to do anything while I had to stay home and help take care of the household. When I was a little older, I was able to babysit. When I was 17, I had a curfew of 8 PM. I was always envious of the freedom my brother had because I thought that was a sign that he was a responsible child that my parents trusted. Years later, I asked about the unfair treatment, and the best response I got was, “Well, it’s because he’s a boy. You’re a girl. What will happen to you if you go out and get pregnant?”

In the words of Cher Horowitz, as if.

My eyes could not have rolled farther back into my brain.

Another phenomenon I’d like to talk about is the middle child syndrome. You guessed it, I’m the unique and quirky one. I’ll also throw in a double whammy of being the only daughter as well. If you’re not familiar with middle child syndrome, here are some characteristics:

1. High sense of independence: Middle children often get lost in the shuffle. For instance, older children push boundaries that require parents to interfere, and younger children need more care and attention. Thus, middle children have more time to follow their own lead, without being noticed by parents.
2. Feelings of alienation: With oldest siblings getting the spotlight for their achievements, and the younger siblings getting attention because of their youth, middle children can feel that they don’t belong. Because of this, a sense of alienation from the family can develop.
3. Competitive: Feeling like “number two” in the family, when there’s a number three right on your heels, can drive a middle child to be highly competitive with their siblings. The need to stand out can be strong, and it can translate into rivalry across multiple situations, from academic performance to athletics to vying for parental attention.

While I can’t speak for all middle kids, I can speak on the fact that being the middle child gave me the absolute need to be independent as I grew older. I sometimes felt like my parents were only focused on my siblings’ achievements or even their misdeeds, which left me to be my own emotional support adult. The three of us grew up to be very different people, but one thing remains the same: the pressure to succeed. Our parents drilled into us that we had to set an example for each other, whether that was by getting really good grades, a job with a high salary, or becoming famous. Regardless, money was usually a huge factor. Why put all this pressure on us? Because they believed that applying pressure to a chunk of coal will turn it into a diamond. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Sometimes you just get broken coal.

Traditional Filipino culture means being proud of your kids and their accomplishments so you can show them off to other families. If they’re not successful, you don’t talk about them. I’m sure that regardless of culture, middle children in nuclear families share some sentiment of feeling ignored or having low self-esteem because they feel left out.

I don’t have any advice to give to parents because the parent-child dynamic is just too nuanced and complicated for the ones who were born as middle children. What I do have to say is that being a middle child in a Filipino home and its intricacies only became an issue when I chose to let it control my emotions. I could’ve been upset every time I was reminded to be home at a certain time, but instead, I waited. I waited until I was financially independent and was able to take care of myself, and I recognize the absolute privilege in that. I have kept an arm’s length distance from my parents to keep them from instilling values that no longer align with my self-worth, and while it’s been difficult, it was a choice I had to make for myself. I hope this inspires others to do the same.