I had an interesting conversation with a friend online last week, and a part of that conversation turned into whether Filipinos were considered Asian. I went into a Google deep dive, and the internet says that geographically, they’re officially Asian. For all intents and purposes, that’s fine. However, I’ve always felt that for Filipino-Americans, we ask ourselves who we are and where we place ourselves within our relationships. The journey of self-identity becomes less clear, and challenging to say the least. Growing up in a Filipino household meant that you were still taught traditions and beliefs that were passed down from parents who lived in a whole other country, indoctrinated by religion and other politically motivated events.

As I got older, I got to choose which of those beliefs and traditions I wanted to hold onto to help shape me as an adult. I chose to integrate into the American lifestyle, and over time, the “Filipino” part of me became an ever-growing shadow of my past. What I’ve observed over random encounters and family parties is that people who grew up in the Philippines and came to the United States as adults know when you’re Filipino but grew up here, as an American, and vice versa. I’ve witnessed how millennials who grew up in the Philippines move and carry themselves around in public spaces. I’ve seen how my cousins have interacted with me at family parties. I’m different. And they know it. I know they’re different.

Then I ask myself, How different am I, really? I speak the language, I understand the traditions. I understand. So what makes me the outlier? What makes people like me the outliers? And I guess, similar to other social hierarchies, if you’re not fully in, then you’re not in at all. Questioning where I belonged between the two cultures meant that I had a lot of questions I had to find answers to on my own. This isn’t me saying that I don’t appreciate what Filipino culture has taught me or that I don’t know who myself as a person on this planet. I saw it as a way to forge my path and make decisions based on my own goals and aspirations. One thorn that always bothered me about Filipino culture is that you’re raised into adulthood and spend the rest of your adult life catering to your parents as a way to pay them back for putting you on this Earth. Why? Why put children on this planet with a job? Their job is to be decent human beings; they’re not meant to be indebted to their parents. But I digress. I’m grateful for the experience and continue to be grateful today. If there’s one thing I can take with me, it is that my mom makes the best adobo.